Ponceland

 3/11/23 The sky under me today had no clouds. Take it as you will, the way you think is up to you. You can think of it as it being clear like a proper mental state. You can think of it as it being empty like an teenage boy's soul. Your life to this point shapes how you see the world around you. I'm using the weekend to pick up where I left off from Murakami's Norwegian Wood, I love the way Murakami narrates events happening in the book when told from the first person. It feels autobiographical, as if you're seeing what's happening through your own eyes. Reading the dialogue is a fun treat too, the words flow naturally from the characters' non existent mouths. They're realistic, like Murakami has that personality himself.  The only real complaint many people and I have with Murakami is the way he writes women. There was this one part where a female character, Midori Kobayashi, was cooking for the main character, "She wore slim blue jeans and a navy T-sh...

 3/8/23 Missing a day or two of writing isn't breaking a streak. I realized that a few hours ago. Even though I haven't been doing them everyday (in the traditional sense), missing a day or two is still writing everyday. The only thing people consistently do everyday is piss. Rest days still count as part of that streak, as long as you continue to do what you're doing after that rest. Gym rats can workout five days a week and rest for two days, and those two rest days are just as important as those five days of workout. Stress your muscles constantly all the time and they'll eventually just give out on you. When I ask people for advice on how to improve my writing I usually don't get the worst responses. No hate to them of course! I'm sure their heart is in the right place when they tell me what to do. It's just... most of the advice they give me doesn't really work for me. The best response I got when I asked for advice on how to improve my writing is ...

 3/6/23 I've observed that when I write about my opinions on something they turn out to be the ones I dislike the most. I will still make an effort to write about them, not to say something but to see what I can improve upon. Even if it gives me a disgusting feeling in my stomach. I keep fearing of how people would react to my writing, I know I shouldn't be trying to appeal to anyone if I really want this to be my own.  What I've learned trying to move on from that is I get hurt when folks say they don't like what I do. I’d love it if what I did spoke to everyone, or everyone found some sort of piece of something in what I make.  Negativity towards work is one of two things: Anger or annoyance, like what I experience. The best thing you can do is ignore it or laugh at it. A shame that it happens but everyones a critic. It's honestly better to get some negative response every now n again. Sometimes it's just really poorly expressed good criticism, sometimes it...

 3/5/23 I doubt my writing abilities alot and the way I cope with it is not exactly healthy. I don't write for a while and do something else, it's something I'm working through. Ideally it'll be resolved just by pure action alone but I don't know how to get there. In any case, the first thing I should do is not worry about the output of my writing. The future steps, I'm not sure of yet. I should perhaps avoid writing when I'm tired, the last time I think I wrote well was when I was writing during the day, I might do that more. I forget the whole reason I started writing and posting these is because I wanted to document my life. I keep on worrying about impressing other people that its become a setback for me. It's much easier to say "Don't worry about it." than to actually do it.  I need to be more casual about my writing. Even if I say that casualness is the tone I go for, I keep overthinking and overburdening myself. I want to feel more c...

 3/2/23 I can't seem to write about anything today. Have I used every word in my vocabulary? Impossible.  I'm experiencing writer's block for the first time. I have to say it's very frustrating not knowing what to write. This might not ever result in anything good. I would say it's necessary for me to go through this but I don't like the idea of working. Casualness is the reason for my writing, I don't want to spread a bigger message when I write. I just want to talk. If I try to say something, personal writing comes to be more difficult. My writer's block is usually desire to write but paralyzed by exhausion or procrastination because I turn the act of creation (something good) into the act of necessary work (burdensome). I haven't been feeling my best today, figuratively and literally. I've been trying to write something yet the words can't just seem to flow out of my hand correctly, as if I have nothing to say. Even if I try to write somet...

 3/1/23 Good morning from Caloocan City. I'm writing my essay for english class and I am inspired to write my entries for today. My right hand hurts from writing too much with a pen, switching to my keyboard would be a nice way to relax. My writing heroes would laugh at what I'm doing, but I wish they'd cut me some slack, I am spoiled by my phone keyboard. Our adviser found our classmates showing public display of affection again. It's silly of course but I don't think I have the right to insult them for I would probably do the same thing. One of the thoughts I've gathered while she was talking was the feeling of my hand being held during school, ironic situation. The last time that happened when I was still in elementary, the funny thing is I still wasn't aware she had a crush on me I just thought it was a friendly gesture. Only now I realize how stupid I was but I don't think that matters now since that was more than 5 years ago.  I have this friend wh...