3/1/23

 3/1/23

Good morning from Caloocan City. I'm writing my essay for english class and I am inspired to write my entries for today. My right hand hurts from writing too much with a pen, switching to my keyboard would be a nice way to relax. My writing heroes would laugh at what I'm doing, but I wish they'd cut me some slack, I am spoiled by my phone keyboard.


Our adviser found our classmates showing public display of affection again. It's silly of course but I don't think I have the right to insult them for I would probably do the same thing. One of the thoughts I've gathered while she was talking was the feeling of my hand being held during school, ironic situation. The last time that happened when I was still in elementary, the funny thing is I still wasn't aware she had a crush on me I just thought it was a friendly gesture. Only now I realize how stupid I was but I don't think that matters now since that was more than 5 years ago. 


I have this friend who holds her values to a high degree. Her values stand on a tower supported by titanium, it would be impossible to change her mind about anything. This is not to say that she is closed minded about anything, no she tries to understand why other people may not share the same opinion as her. She talks alot about women's rights and alot of our connection is from that topic. I tell her about my takes, she tells me about her takes, 90% of the time we agree with each other and that's how we get along. Thinking of her made me think about my values and how I think about women. I find myself guilty of objectifying a woman once in a while. My friend once described a dream in which he saw several women of different races all naked and enjoyed the sight of them. One of them asked what it meant. One of them asked "Why are women objectified in this way?" He had no reply. An outsider does most of the objectifying. In other words, persons inside a description are unable to objectify themselves outside of the sight of someone outside. Women may mythologize on their own, but when they objectify themselves, it is for a different class of people, like men, that they perform. For instance, only people who are not women can objectify women. Since objectification contains so much reductionism, it is hard to objectify because of the intrinsic understanding of being that comes with gender.

It stumps me how human nature can make people feel so uncomfortable, but it would be human nature to learn how to make people feel better.


Lunchtime ends in 10 minutes, I have to go.


--


I have a big appreciation for clouds. They're similar to mountains but only you can see them. Their peaks only exist for a flash before rolling into each other. There's something really romantic about clouds, the way they block the sun but still let so much light in. On some days they're arranged in really bizarre ways, like figures from heaven. I love how most of them look like heavenly bodies, ghostly figures in the sky. The best thing about clouds is how they move, it's so easy to assume them to be singular cotton balls, but when you stop and watch them you get to see all the little pieces float around. I love staring at clouds because I see creatures I can never put into words, they can make me see mythical beasts, cozy gray blankets, days of rain. The sky is mother nature's canvas, the clouds are her way of painting. Mother nature's painting output has been more dynamic. She's been inspired.

When I'm stressed out I just think about the phrase "get lost in the vastness of a cloud" and look into the sky for a little bit. I let the ground, the sun, the sky take over my body with my eyes hyperfocused on clouds. Every single cloud having it's own significant meaning.


I want to be like a cloud. Even if something massive passes through them either the shape doesn't get affected or change yet still be beautiful. There's no such thing as an ugly cloud. No matter how gray or small they may be.


Right now the clouds above me form a gray blanket, like weaving clouds out of silver thread. It started to drizzle but it didn't turn into rain, the sky yawned and a few tears fell out.


I feel like there's so much of this world that I take for granted, every day I want to notice something new. Worrying about smaller things about the world can help you focus less on the grander scheme of things. Once you focus enough on small things those big things will feel as small as these small things.


That way we can meet up amongst the clouds sooner. May your clouds disperse.

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