∆

listen, listen, listen. you're right. why should i throw judgment for someone i'll never truly know? they're no me. i've not put on their socks. i've not bathed in her bathtub. i've not worn her clothes. i've not drank the water from her tap. i've not seen through her glasses. i've not used her earphones. i've not read her books. i've not watered her plants. i've not held her hand. i've not lived. we're lost. i'm lost for saying it myself!

the way descartes says that he's an individual thought, how he's an isolated mind, how he thinks therefore he is, how he's a "pure individual" Cogito, ergo sum, Je pense, donc je suis, all of that nonsense. that doesn't exist, that's not true. he focuses on the thouht that people are points that are isolated from one another. that's not true. you are what is around you. everything you are, you have learned from others, and others learned that others also from others. mannerisms are passed down generation after generation. familial, communal, social-communal. there may be things that may have been done by someone's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather living in texas. but this is a dead man we're talking about. the more i think about him the more he laughs in his grave.

but can't you think that sometimes. you my be one of the most brilliant thinkers the world has to offer, you're not aware, you may not be aware, you may never be aware. you don't ever find that. you pick cherries in your garden, you pick mangoes in your dreams. you go to work everyday, the one you studied for in university, the same university you had to study for in highschool, the same highschool your parents recommended, the highschool you had to have prepared for in elemetary, the same highschool you despised so much growing up, the elementary you went through for highschool, elementary where you were beat up for existing, elementary where you achieved then eventually lost due to being punched in the gut, you type out "penis" on your notepad. you went to the wrong course in college! you're taking up law! business! economics! accounting! architecture! frank lloyd WRIGHT! you live. you work, horribly. horrible performance. you never walk, you never wear your glasses, you never take a sip of water in the morning. you find yourself dying, i must have done something? a deity presents itself to you and gives a powerpoint presentation on what your life could have been if you found yourself. people die without knowing themselves, ants on the ground crawl on the ground, a wandering child pours cold water on them. you had goals! you stop dreaming! you finish one thing! you never finish another! you bore yourself but you never think! it could happen to you. it might happen to you.

you lie on a field of grass, shrubs around you never make fruit. you sob salty tears, they fall on the soil. the salt is not strong enough to destroy the grass, rain happens too often. the restless city in the distance have their lights on, combatting the sky's stars, polluting it with light. to your left the sea so vast you don't think it will end, but to the right anonher body of water which also never seems to end, only in a different shade of blue. you lie in you field of grass. so much trees behind you, like an army of wood with afros. you feel safe. you feel full of life. you're alone.

i'm sorry you have to read what i have to say.

i'm sorry you have to listen to my tangents.

i'm sorry you have to listen about my opinions on ho people should live, or what they have to live through.

i'm sorry i let the stars and moon live above you.

i'm sorry i let the sun shine on your skin.

i'm sorry she smiles. i'm sorry she weeps. i'm sorry she turns your back to you. i'm sorry i let her watch and belittle you.

ang hirap pag di ka makalakad.

it's all so funny! humans are funny! animals are funny! plants are funny! they're a conscious thought, they only realize this sometimes, forget, then go about their day!

"I beg of you to tell me how the human soul can determine the movement of the animal spirits in the body so as to perform voluntary acts being as it is merely a conscious substance." said Elizabeth of Bohemia to her letter to rené descartes. she observes life as this moving picture. as one thing controlling a whole thing.

Emotion can make you say things you're not supposed to. honesty can kill a man. your body heats up when you mention too much about something. the wrong community makes you dislike so much, it can make you realize so much. you hope you never find the right community, it's all so terrifying, you'll never mention anything you have to say to anyone worth knowing. you envy who you admire but to them you'd have to live what they went through. suddenly you wish you didn't. you start admiring someone else. you don't learn.

a broken man too manly to cry, he toughs it up while riding a tidal wave. people are stupid beyond belief! you never learn. people were once executed for thinking, for speaking, for being. so many people with no place to go. so much they could go to! again, i don't mean this in a mocking way. this is a feeling i resonate with. it's really funny! animals are funny! how many times have you seen an animal do something and laughed about it? how many actions would you think would be weird and/or funny to see someone else perform? wouldn't it be wonderful to be this way?

let the trees overtake cities! let them crack sidewalks, pavements. one of the things i thought of when i was walking is how i saw trees crack the pavement they weren't supposed to crack. do you dream of being a hermit crab, turning anything into your home? talk to me. talk with yourself. allow me to think and formulate something better for myself. allow me to balance the humor, silliness, goofiness, foolishness, hilarity, irony of life with the indulgence of the mind.

have my ancestors watched me today? have they judged me yet? have they felt disgrace watching me? (or) have they felt pride?? walk by your neighbour's home, look at their windows and see if they're looking out. give them a wave. observe if they can escape their home so easily. close your eyes. imagine you are stone on moss. imagine you are a tree as you watch your siblings get beheaded. imagine you're a field of grass as a kid who never bathes lies on his back. we are all human, we are all animal. we are all nature. at our core, we are all pure. we can return, even if only for a spell, and we can Know. did you ever watch a religious person perform a ritual? have you ever seen them, thought they were weird, then walked by? did you ever think they were weird? just because he did a thing foreign to you? love and passion one has for ones own beliefs will hide the humor behind thone beliefs. it's something i learned through butiki. i took a walk. i did not observe the clouds. i did not observe the cars passing me. i did not take note of the buildings i see everyday. i did not observe the road which was being destroyed to be newly cemented. i kept thinking. i kept thinking. i kept destroying. i don't observe the beauty of the world. the overall beauty everything is made of. remove that beauty, there is nothing. i was nothing for a few minutes. remove yourself from the world, you will become nothing. Only beauty resides in this world, other than that there is nothing.

"The primordial world is never known by the thinking intellect, it is only known by the feeling body."

I trip. i fall. i roll. i tumble. i trip and i fall and i roll and i tumble. dirt and grass gathers on my shoes, on my pants, on my shirt, on my face, on my torso, on my legs, on my feet, on my hair. i throw a rock. i trip over a rock.

i hang on a branch. i jump and grab a branch, it snaps, i fall on my face.

why do you tear yourself from the loving hands of mother nature? mother nature who is incomparable to anything. the greatest living concept. who i worship. the one i worship. the theoretical, philosophical beauty of the world written in english, japanese, filipino, portuguese, french, spanish, brazilian, whatever languages i haven't named. her graceful beauty. mother earth, everything reflected through transparent glass, distorted mirrors likethe ones you see in a circus. these reflect for us to see the way rivers curve, the ways trees slant, the way grass curves on their ends. a flame still lies in my decying body. shed pretense, shed analysis, dance. wear animal furs, walk on four legs, eat the bark off trees. spin on one foot, drink the water from the rivers. bury your head in the dirt. smear symbols on your face with ash. return to the origin, as best as you possibly can.

try to comprehend the sentences mother earth tells you. you can comprehend the first, second. you start to think by the third, fourth, fifth. things get tricky by the 6th, 7th, 8th. you can only pretend to comprehend 9, 10, if you're lucky. let her hold you with her hands full of grass and brown leaves. let sharp blades of grass stay on your pants, she'll never touch you if you don't allow her. it hurts, but she's aware. it's irritating, she's aware. she tries her best to fix.

even mother nature's aware. she has her flaws but it's never her flaws.

alas, she's still beautiful.