3/6/23

 3/6/23

I've observed that when I write about my opinions on something they turn out to be the ones I dislike the most. I will still make an effort to write about them, not to say something but to see what I can improve upon. Even if it gives me a disgusting feeling in my stomach.


I keep fearing of how people would react to my writing, I know I shouldn't be trying to appeal to anyone if I really want this to be my own. 


What I've learned trying to move on from that is I get hurt when folks say they don't like what I do. I’d love it if what I did spoke to everyone, or everyone found some sort of piece of something in what I make.  Negativity towards work is one of two things: Anger or annoyance, like what I experience. The best thing you can do is ignore it or laugh at it. A shame that it happens but everyones a critic. It's honestly better to get some negative response every now n again. Sometimes it's just really poorly expressed good criticism, sometimes it's just someone being grumpy; or Actual criticism that you could work with and might develop into something really interesting and engaging. This comes from people with good faith. They see something in your work and want to pull it out more. Sometimes it's just dissimilar aesthetics, sometimes it's actual functional help. I should like this kind of negativity.


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The progress of my spiritual walk so far: 

Although I'm not a big fan of organized religion I've always been fascinated by spirituality, especially in relation to art. I have love for organized religion as a communal hearth and resource bank, but despise the appearance of power in it. I severely dislike the Catholic Church. I have zero respect for higher positions of power within major religions. I love faith, I dislike religion. I love church as a community center, I hate church as a community subjugator. Faith needs to be something that everyone can come to, not something that imposes itself upon everyone. It's why I feel weird talking about my own personal faith. I don't want it to seem like an imposition and certainly I'd hate to be a performance piece.


I think that the experience of the divine and the beautiful come to us all in many, many forms and with infinitely different vocabularies. Religion is one way of expressing that overwhelming beauty to others. I say that as a person of faith, not as someone separate from it.


I don't think I can place personal experience over the experience of art itself, I feel that there's a great history and a great many things that tie everything to everything else. I am one single point in a magnificent spiderweb. If I put my own experience above the experience of every other point on the web, the weight on my own point will break the web apart. I also think that the creator of the work is in and of themselves a point on their own great web. Maybe our webs are the same, maybe we're on opposite ends, maybe we've been spun by different spiders altogether. 


I think the artist is very important in their work, I don't believe in the death of the artist. I guess I think that the creations of humankind place us in this beautiful world of history and faith and all these great and wonderful concepts. Even if some are only great and wonderful by virtue of revealing thigns that are disgusting and horrifying. 


I just can't find myself placing my own experiences atop other experiences. I want to offer my own and add to the shared history we have.

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