2/23/23

I feel immense joy. It would be right if I wrote it all down. I feel involved with many things, I don't know what will happen next. 

I barely have any time for myself because I'm spending so much time with my friends, I don't suppose that's the worst thing in the world. The more I get to spend time with them, when I ever get time to myself I get to write the time I spent with them. 

We had our class picture today, everyone did their best to look good. After all, this would be kept forever for you to possibly look back on. I can't exactly blame them for wanting to look good especially during a day like this.

I sit here and realize that this is my last year in this school. I only had two class pictures the entire time I was here, it's sad I won't get to see how I've grown during the time I studied here. At the very least I get to seee how much I've improved. I get to see this deranged child, turn into more or less the same thing. I don't really have that big of an emotional attachment to this school since for the past two years we spent it inside of our homes. The best thing I did for myself this school year is make a name for myself. I participated in extra-curricular activities, I made new friends, I made my name fairly known. Mistakes I've done in the past I try to improve upon, the sentiment that people change is true yet many of us forget about it lest we think about it long and hard. But people don't like thinking, everyone wants everything to be given to them on a plate, even the greatest thinkers of past generations. If the case were to be for every single piece of knowledge to be given, things would be stale. Knowledge isn't exactly just what you know about things, it's how you interpret it. How you interpret things around you changes your perception of the world. No two people have the same perception of life.

I digress, my last year here and I spend less than half of it trying to not have fun. 

After school ended, my friends and I wanted to get something to eat. We try going to this place where they sell rice meals, it was out of our budget so we decided to go to 7-11 instead. I didn't have any money with me and ended up not buying anything, they bought themselves snacks. While we were in the 7-11, as my friends were eating the food they bought. I couldn't help but notice two of my friends who are in a relationship do what couples aren't supposed to do in a public space. Of course I had no right to judge them, if I were in a relationship I would do the same. The fact I'm complaining about this is indicative of the emotions I feel toward romance. Did this complaint sprout from a place of disgust? A place of envy? A place of curiosity? I can't say for myself. We went outside of the 7-11 to go back to school, not inside only outside in front of the gate. As we were going there, my friend who is not that good with street smarts crossed the road on her own the first time. Everyone cheered her with a small tone of sarcasm. The way I cheered her on was mostly embarrassing, mostly for her. I shouted at almost everyone I saw while pointing at my friend saying something along the lines of "She crossed the road on her own!" Her face was as red as a beet, it was clearly shameful to be around me. 

Once I got home, the first thing I saw was that there wasn't any classes happening tomorrow. Is there another motive for that? Can't overthink about that right now. Me and my friends talked for a few hours, the topic changing every few minutes or so. Said topics ranging from our least favourite to favourite teachers, then school scandals because what's chatting without a few, then them complimenting people from the lower batch who admire them a lot, to sappy time, to nicknames we have.

These are some of the few people I can be soft and vulnerable with without having to fear being made fun of, everyone understands that it's a time of vulnerability and sensitivity. Everyone shares their stories, other people chiming in to relate their stories. It's all this fun time. This started as nothing more of a fun gimmick and ended up turning into actual emotional bonds and attachments. 

There's so much more about today I would like to write, but it's 2AM, I have to be sleeping soon and I feel as if I've talked about more than enough. Before I sleep I might listen to a classical chamber music record. I think it's time for me to pick up a book and listen to string quartets. I might just listen to Schubert's Trout Quintet again, or maybe a Morton Feldman record. I'm excited to find out for myself.