2/21/23


Okay, in my defense, I was very busy. I didn't have any time to think because of everything that's going on. On the days I do have time I'm really tired and sitting down makes me fall asleep. Today is the final day of exhaustion, atleast for a while. Congratulations! So it goes! So it goes, a few days sneak beneath your feet. 


It's been a busy month. I've done a live performance, another one to come next monday. The first one was in Caloocan High School. An art exhibit was going on, we were invited to play in the school's booth, with me on the piano, two of my friends on the violin, and the other on a cello. My friends and I didn't have classes for two days, which sounds fun the first time you hear it. But once the thought sets in, you realize you have missed A LOT. I have so much to catch up on, absurd considering I was gone for two days. 


We have this math test tomorrow. Very difficult situation to be in. The thought of the test stresses me out to no end. It's probably going to be fine, the worst that's going to happen is I join this tutorial program. It won't matter too much, even if I try to put a massive amount of effort to studying math I manage to fail either way. 


I digress, the art exhibit was not fun performance-wise. I missed alot of notes I was supposed to hit on the piano. Feeling-wise is an entirely different story, I liked the feeling of being watched while I mess up playing. It gives me the feeling of guilt that I didn't practice enough. In my defense, we had two days to prepare for the event. I would say I liked the thrill, but no there was no thrill. Once I messed up their eyes were GLUED on my backs it was not a pleasant feeling. 


The second performance will be in school, it's going to be somewhat of a surprise show. Not that much of a surprise anymore since I told you about it, atleast you have something to look forward to. The lineup's the usual people I play music with, everyone has their traits that are unique to them. 

During this time, we will be practicing at my house, where we usually do. We'll go in with the mindset of practice, then eventually just turn into a jam session. I wouldn't have it any other way. 


Now I sit on the office chair. I look at my laptop while constantly worrying about this math test. It feels as if there's so much to write about, yet when I try to think about anything to write about, nothing pops into my head. I plan on reading more books this March. On that note, I've been exploring Buddhism. Not as a religion but as a way of life. I like the way they look at life. Life is a cycle of death and rebirth, if one achieves "nirvana" (enlightenment), it is possible to escape this cycle. I want to get a copy of Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha, I'll search for any bookstores if they have any. My interest in this subject only started recently, so I don't know how I will end up. Religion and faith is something that is deeply, deeply personal. A friend of my friend grew up battling anger issues, when said friend was 20, he decided that he needed them to be resolved once and for all. He became a Buddhist Monk in Tibet for a year, said he hated it the whole time but claimed to cure him. I have interesting books on my plate, I'll do my best to report on them as I read them.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

∆

listen, listen, listen. you're right. why should i throw judgment for someone i'll never truly know? they're no me. i've not put on their socks. i've not bathed in her bathtub. i've not worn her clothes. i've not drank the water from her tap. i've not seen through her glasses. i've not used her earphones. i've not read her books. i've not watered her plants. i've not held her hand. i've not lived. we're lost. i'm lost for saying it myself! the way descartes says that he's an individual thought, how he's an isolated mind, how he thinks therefore he is, how he's a "pure individual" Cogito, ergo sum, Je pense, donc je suis, all of that nonsense. that doesn't exist, that's not true. he focuses on the thouht that people are points that are isolated from one another. that's not true. you are what is around you. everything you are, you have learned from others, and others learned that others also fro...
Read more

3/11/23 3/12/23

 3/11/23 The sky under me today had no clouds. Take it as you will, the way you think is up to you. You can think of it as it being clear like a proper mental state. You can think of it as it being empty like an teenage boy's soul. Your life to this point shapes how you see the world around you. I'm using the weekend to pick up where I left off from Murakami's Norwegian Wood, I love the way Murakami narrates events happening in the book when told from the first person. It feels autobiographical, as if you're seeing what's happening through your own eyes. Reading the dialogue is a fun treat too, the words flow naturally from the characters' non existent mouths. They're realistic, like Murakami has that personality himself.  The only real complaint many people and I have with Murakami is the way he writes women. There was this one part where a female character, Midori Kobayashi, was cooking for the main character, "She wore slim blue jeans and a navy T-sh...
Read more

3/1/23

 3/1/23 Good morning from Caloocan City. I'm writing my essay for english class and I am inspired to write my entries for today. My right hand hurts from writing too much with a pen, switching to my keyboard would be a nice way to relax. My writing heroes would laugh at what I'm doing, but I wish they'd cut me some slack, I am spoiled by my phone keyboard. Our adviser found our classmates showing public display of affection again. It's silly of course but I don't think I have the right to insult them for I would probably do the same thing. One of the thoughts I've gathered while she was talking was the feeling of my hand being held during school, ironic situation. The last time that happened when I was still in elementary, the funny thing is I still wasn't aware she had a crush on me I just thought it was a friendly gesture. Only now I realize how stupid I was but I don't think that matters now since that was more than 5 years ago.  I have this friend wh...
Read more